my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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