I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Found your dick twin last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
