YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
