Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
