she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
