I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think my vagina is haunted
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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