how do flat chested girls get laid?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
