then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
