My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
