Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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