I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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