.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
