I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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