i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
