I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
