We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
