Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
