Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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