nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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