One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
