Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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