Your tits are I can't wait for
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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