...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
