Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
