i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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