the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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