Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
