like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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