My nipple is on Facebook.
I can text with my tongue
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
