got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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