I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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