What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
