i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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