i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
