I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
