One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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