i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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