I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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