why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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