Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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