No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Randomize
