Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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