He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
