I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
