Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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