i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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