My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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