you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
