i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
