i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
