Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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