I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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