if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
