I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
