he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
