I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
