I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
