17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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