I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
