THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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